Love. Fact or Myth

Love defined in a dictionary: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. Sexual passion or desire.

Three different ways to describe this thing, that all humans have endured throughout their time on Earth. Life began with love. It was a shared thought of two people, to bring in another life to this world. It was these two who believed in love. It was these two who made you believe in love.

I personally believe there are many levels of love. There's the love of your friends. This love is strong and bonds people together who share the same emotions and interests. These people are the family that you were able to choose.

Then there's the love of interest. This pure devotion of something, maybe you love singing, drawing, acting, swimming, you name it. It's something that you devote your life to but it's not necessarily a person. One thing for sure, this type of love doesn't abandon you, you abandon it.

Then there's the love of of your parents. This probably would be the strongest bond in the world. It's what I call unconditional. These people would fucking die for you. I mean, come ON! They were the ones who gave life to you! They were the ones who have supported you, and trust me they do. Even if they don't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they've got. They might not understand you, they might not be who you would have imagined but they are yours to keep and yours to cherish.

The other type of love is the one where you give your all to another person. This type of love is what catches everyone by surprise. It might take time for something to flourish or sometimes it just takes love at first sight. Cheesy as that may sound, it's what people believe in. It's when, you believe the other person makes you feel complete and allows you to be who you are and they accept you for that. They love you for your achievements. They love you for your flaws. Heck, they love everything and anything ABOUT you. This is what we all hope to achieve in our lifetime. Something so pure that life is worth living for. Imagine, to spend time with someone who makes you feel as if you ARE everything that you ARE worth it and that there's NOTHING else to compare you with. I personally, have only seen such things in movies. It's something we all dream about but it's so hard to obtain in reality.

Personally, my outlook on love so far has been shit. I guess I've experienced all the wrong things and haven't had the opportunity to see the good. I so far, believe the strongest love I've felt have been from my parents. Even though we never EVER are on the same page on things, I know that they will always be there for me and love me for me.

I've been duped in believing things, lived off lies and fed with insults. I've been treated with the same respect you give trash. Funny enough, I still thought at some point there was love. I guess it's true when people say love is blind. You deny yourself the flaws, you allow yourself to see what you want to, to hear what you want to and to believe in the lies. I was too scared to let go, i was too scared to stop. I hung on to something that had no true meaning and it affected me so deeply that I'm not the same person that I used to be.

I would say I was broken to a million shattering pieces . I wouldn't say that I've healed. It's been so long now and I'm still not over it. Heck, it was my first "love" if that's what you wanna call it. Fuck. People say you'll always remember your first...and honestly I don't really want to. It gave me more pain than actual happiness. It's like that fucking Kelly Clarkson song, Because of You. Ugh.

To ease all the pain, I've started to use alcohol as an escape. What's even more ironic is the fact that I've studied the affects of alcohol on a person and I still do it. I would drink day in and day out...it was such a nice feeling to be numb. It was like...nothing mattered and you could just chill, not worry. My parents realized I was drinking...they thought I've stopped and well, I've been sober for a week now and it's killing me. I feel so empty without it but I'm going to TRY to stay sober because my friend told me to :) He even asked me to start blogging as an escape and you know what? I think it's actually working.